Archive for October, 2006
Sometimes I wish we could get HBO just to listen to these rants. Ladies and Gentlemen, Bill Maher:
And finally, New Rule: If you think the worst thing Congress doesn’t protect young people from is Mark Foley, then wake up and smell the burning planet. The – the ice caps are cracking, the coral reefs are bleaching, and our poisoned groundwater has turned spinach into a “side dish of mass destruction.” Read the labels on your food. It turns out the healthiest thing you can put in your body is Mark Foley’s penis.
But that’s America for you: a red herring culture, always scared by the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy, middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald’s, Marlboro, and K Street.
And recently, there’s been a rash of strangers making their way onto school campuses and targeting your children for death. They’re called military recruiters. More young Americans were crippled in Iraq last month than any month in the last two years. And the scandal is that Mark Foley wants to show them a good time before they go?
When will our closeted gay congressmen learn, our boys aren’t for pleasure, they’re for cannon fodder? Why aren’t Democrats and the media hammering away every day about who we’re supposed to be fighting for over there, and what the plan is? Yes, Mark Foley was wrong to ask teenagers how long their penis was. But at least someone on Capitol Hill was asking questions.
You know who else is grabbing your kids at too young an age? Merck, Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline. By convincing you that your kids are depressed, hyperactive or suffering from ADD. In the last decade, the number of children prescribed anti-psychotic drugs in America increased by over 400%. Which means either that our children are going insane-which we might look on as a problem-or more likely, we have, for profit, created a nation of little junkies.
So, stop with the righteous indignation about predators. This whole country is trying to get inside your kid’s pants, because that’s where he keeps his wallet.
I don’t care – I don’t care if Mark Foley had been asking boys to describe their penis because I have some sad news for you: your kid is so larded out on Cheetohs and YooHoo, he can’t even see his penis. So many of our kids are fat drug addicts nowadays, it’s almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies!
So we can pretend that the biggest threat to our children is some creep on the Internet, or we can admit it’s us. Because when your son can’t find France on a map, or touch his toes with his hands, or understand that the ads on TV are lying, including the one where the Marine turns into Lancelot-then the person f***ing him…is you.
Last Monday afternoon, I got a stomach ache. I couldn’t really fathom why, I had had a relatively healthy lunch. But I’m not exactly a bastion of health so I didn’t think much about it. An hour later, I was telling my supervisor I needed to go home.
Thirty minutes later I was in the emergency room, crying from the pain in my lower right abdomen. I was convinced my appendix had burst.
It turned out to be another damn kidney stone (my husband and I apparently have matching sets – more on that later) but for the 20 minute ride to the emergency room in Augusta, I was honestly afraid I was dying. I was afraid I had waited too long to have Chris take me to the hospital. I was fighting not to pass out because I was afraid I would never wake up again.
I’ve never been the most cheerful person around and I was glad to find that when I believed I might be dying (yes, a gross over-reaction, but I believed it at the time) I found that I honestly did not want to die. My first thought was that I did not want to leave Chris alone. My second thought was that I wanted to be there to see what happened next, no matter how mundane it might be.
It took 2 hours for the doctor to see me at the ER. I chose a bad day to have a kidney stone – it was Columbus Day AND it was a full moon. I had a cat scan done and lo and behold, another freakin’ kidney stone. Just hope the insurance covers the cat scan – it might be one of those procedures I’m supposed to call and ‘ask permission’ about. Insurance – they seem more and more like protection rackets every day.
After seeing my doctor on Friday I found out that the kidney stone wasn’t alone. I have a tiny one in my right kidney and another one in my left kidney. Just waiting. Assholes. (Chris also has one in one of his kidneys just waiting. Jerk.)
Oh, and bonus! I have an ovarian cyst and another condition I don’t feel like airing to the world, but that normally only inflicts women in their 50’s or 60’s. Bugger!
The worst thing, though, was that the kidney stone that started all the trouble last Monday took 4 days to get through my system. I went in to work on Thursday morning, but by noon I was in pain yet again so I had to go back home and zonk out on percocet. That stuff works great!
So, more changes are needed. I’ve been cutting back on caffeine but I’m cutting back even more. No more soda except on D&D days and only one. I’ll still drink coffee, but not everyday. I’m already drinking a lot more water and I find the more I drink it, the more I crave it so that’s a big help. I’m also trying to eat more vegetables, more fiber and less nuts and popcorn.
Giving up popcorn is never going to happen but even cutting back is going to be painful. *pout*
At least no one has told me I can never eat cheese again. If they ever tell me that I’ll just stick my fingers in my ears and start yelling ‘I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!’
On the upside of everything, Autumn peaked in this area these past two week and I got some good pictures. I wanted to go to Camden for some peak pictures but never made it there. Oh well. There’s always next year.
I’ll leave you with a few samples of the views in Maine this past month (click to enlarge):